In business and life, our success is directly linked to our ability to connect with others and influence their beliefs or actions.

Just as we can’t play a game of chess with one King or Queen, the game of life is a team sport, and we must learn how to play our A Game when we are on the field.

There are 6 Principles of Influence that, when applied intentionally and consistently are proven to increase the likelihood of compliance (YES) and reduce resistance (NO).

1. People need to feel heard and understood first. Influence begins with a symbiotic relationship where each party feels respected and supported. Before we can expect anyone else to be open to our influence, we need to understand their model of the world first by unpacking their reality – current position, future goals, opportunities, challenges, values etc. Asking great questions and listening is an underestimated skill, starting with a genuine desire to understand their perspective.
2. People do things for THEIR reasons not yours. If we have listened effectively, we should have a good understanding of what matters to them. When we link our suggestions to their stated needs, they are more likely to feel in control and take actions that are consistent with their words. Conversely, if we don’t get this piece right and try to get them to do things for OUR reasons, we will most likely experience resistance. In sales, we have a saying “Don’t show up and throw up” which means stop talking, lean back and understand their drivers or motivators first. These are the reasons why people will take action (not yours).
3. If people are unsure, their default will be inertia or to do nothing. Even though on a logical level it makes sense, on a deeper level resistance could come up that is linked to fear or uncertainty. This may not be voiced directly but can be sensed in a reluctance to move forward. A great question to ask to check on levels of readiness is “On a scale of 1 to 10, how important is this to you?” or “Is there anything else that you need to know to make a decision?”
4. People are more likely to be influenced by other people than you. This is the theory of Social Proof where people base their decisions on what they see other people (like them) doing. A great example of this is reading reviews on a restaurant before choosing to book a table for dinner – if the reviews are good, they’ll go – if not they won’t. When we let go of pushing our personal views across and share stories about the benefits other people (like them) have received they are more likely to take action.
5. People tend to be influenced by people they like, know and trust.A personal connection cannot be underestimated and is the unconscious foundation of influence. We tend to be influenced by people who are like us, who share our values and beliefs. We can build likeability through uncovering similarities or interests, but the most authentic way to build trust is to genuinely care about the best interests of the other person with a desire to help and conviction to do what we say we will do.
6. People feel influenced by others who have “earned the right”. This means that to be a trusted advisor we need to have first achieved some level of authority in the topic. Authority can be achieved through formal qualifications or informal experiences that demonstrate our ability to provide guidance to others. Sharing a little about who we are and where we’ve come from helps to build our authority on the topic, especially when we come from a sense of confidence, wisdom and humility rather than arrogance.

I have personally found in my Sales & Leadership career that the best intention to go into any potential influence discussion is to reach a WIN-WIN outcome – good for both parties. I never want anyone to do anything that is not in their best interests and will walk away if this is the case. Prior preparation and consideration to what may be important to the other person is the key to success.

At the end of the day, nothing trumps a genuine connection, caring about the other party and facilitating valued solutions that are right for all.

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